Sexuality is Not a Game

I deliberately stay away from publishing things that are negative, because I believe that this blog is a positive space and should stay that way.  However, today I am not sure if I can stay positive.

There is some things in this world that need to be stopped.  Sexual assault, rape, and the objectification of women is one of them.

Recently, it has been alleged that a book project on Kickstarter advocates all three (Thanks to @normandiewilson for Tweeting about it; I probably would have missed it if she hadn’t).  Oh yeah; the project met and exceeded its funding goal.  Links to the project’s Kickstarter page lead nowhere, so I cannot link you to it, however, there are excerpts on Reddit (link below).

The author has released a statement about the allegations brought against him.  After reading some excerpts from the book on Reddit, I am not 100% convinced that it is as bad as some people say, though there is one part that I do not agree with.

Before you read on, please read the excerpts on Reddit yourself.  I have made up my mind about the book, but you are entitled to your own opinion, free of influence.  I do not want to influence your opinion any more than I may have already.  

Feel free to stop reading my post at this point and add your thoughts to the comment section below.  I promise that I will not cut you down for whatever opinion you have; however, I will ask questions about you opinion.  I’m curious like that.

The project is a book designed to help men pick up women for the purpose of having sex.  I understand why these books exist; there are many lonely people out there.  I am aware the sexuality can exist outside relationships.  There are those who have lovers, and this arrangement works for all parties involved.

I am also aware that pushing a person into a purely sexual relationship when they want a more mentally and emotionally intimate relationship is the definition of “slimy douchebag”.  The one part of the posts on Reddit that I already mentioned bothers me because it suggests a level of dominance that would make it difficult for a woman (or any person) to make her own decisions.  It also suggests sexual contact that would overwhelm a woman’s brain with hormones that trigger sexual arousal, eventually leading to a state where rational thought is impossible (this can happen in men’s brains too).

In the author’s statement linked above, he does note that what he meant is that making the first move is the right idea, but to back off entirely if the woman is not interested.  I appreciate that he said that, but at the end of the day, the book excerpt still seemed more about controlling the situation than allowing a mutual decision to lead to sex.

It is almost impossible to parallel the level of physical intimacy that comes with sex and sexuality.  Surgery is the only thing I can think of that comes close, and the results are not as pleasurable, nor is there a mutual exchange of tension and release.  Because of that physical intimacy, the decision to make sexual must be mutual.  What the author suggests in the “sex” section of his book is not mutual.

Perhaps the final copy of the book will account for that mutual decision making process.  I cannot know that, nor can anyone except the author himself.

Until the book hits shelves, all I can do is hope.  Oh, and use crowdfunding platforms other than Kickstarter.

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